i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
