But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
where are my eyebrows?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
