maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
