you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
