no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
