he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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