false alarm. still invincible.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize