What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.