I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.