So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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