oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.