you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
