you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
The air taste purple.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
