So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
