why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
