Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
