You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just gift wrapped bread.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You ruined the universe
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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