You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
