i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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