OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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