My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Randomize
