No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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