i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
