So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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