a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
