But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
