she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
