She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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