it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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