margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
