Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
