does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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