are you still at the devil's house?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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