When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
