my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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