Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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