He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
