Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
there's paper in my vomit.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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