What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
