didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
