What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
