She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
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i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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