I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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