i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
pop tarts are not kleenex
i drank out of a bidet.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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