nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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