Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
