Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You were trust falling into bushes
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
