things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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