I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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