Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
