She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
