I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
