I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
