theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
