Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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