I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i dont even know how to be here
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
