Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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