R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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