A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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