my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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