We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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