allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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