he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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