butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
