On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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