I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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