We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Also, beer. Big fan.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
