he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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