where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
