Ambien. No doubt about it.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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