I can tuck mytits in my pants
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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