Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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