I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize