I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
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I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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