and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
