He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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