I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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