yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
