i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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