I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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