we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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