like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
