i may or may not be watching the land before time
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize