R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Nicole vs. Life
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
