i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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